I used to avoid all sorts of things in the past and it always was extremely close that I didn't end up in a total disaster!
I should have learned from the multiple times I made the same mistake and avoided to solve certain situations.
One of the three major mistakes that I can remember very clearly that nearly ended up in total disaster was when I like 19 or 20. I was in my job training to become a medical assistant and earned my own money. It wasn't a lot but I was able to get myself some nice things. Because I had some issues with my parents regarding the phone and Internet I got my own land-line and Internet connection into my room. That all worked pretty well at the beginning. Then the provider decided it was a good idea to withdraw the money from my bank-account before I got paid and I had to go to my credit union to get an overdraft for my account. That's where I started to mess up.
I frequently used my overdraft completely, even though I was able to bring it to zero again with my next paycheck I struggled. The I went to visit friends in Hamburg with my car. While there I used my debit-card quite a lot and because at that point I didn't have online banking, so I couldn't check how much I already have used from my overdraft.
I came back and instead of going to my credit-union, checking how much I messed up in Hamburg, I avoided that step and kept paying with m y debit-card for as long as it was possible...
I tried to buy something at the gas-station and the card-reader wouldn't accept my card... I got a bad feeling but I still avoided checking my account because I was too scared...
a few days later I got a letter from the bank telling me that they need to talk to me and it showed how much I messed up too... I was in shock and couldn't eat or sleep for days... I had to tell my Mom about it and she wasn't happy of course. She went to the credit-union with me and we arranged a pay-back plan... I partly blame the credit-union because my overdraft was 500€ and they did let me run into minus 1900€ - I was ruined my life was doomed...
They should have stopped all that way before the time they did... I messed up myself of course. I should have been way more responsible with my debit-card and with money in general.
I learned my lesson though. I stopped paying everything with my debit-card and used cash instead. My parents helped me to organize my finances by me giving them 4 envelopes per month with my weekly allowance, and the rest went to pay off my debts... I still had a long long way to go and I never thought I'd ever get rid of my debts.
And that brings us to my second major avoidance mistake which could have ended up in an even worse mess!
I moved to Hamburg, got a new bank-account with a different Credit-Union and started new. I still had my debts at my old credit-union but I avoided thinking about it... After a few months they sent letters to my parents house that I am overdue paying my installments. Well I HAD to react eventually. I called them and we arranged that I would go to my new credit-union and talk to them. I did so and we transfered my debts to my new account, closed my old bank-account and made a new contract paying my debts off.
That worked somehow. By the time I moved to Hamburg I already paid 900€ back so my debts were around 1000€ so we arranged an overdraft of 1100€.
After I lost my job I had to deal even more with anxiety and as the job-center, responsible for me, in Hamburg was a bunch of horrible characters I was extremely anxious to deal with them in any way. I sent off the papers they needed to get my job-seeker-allowance and waited for the money. It wouldn't come. I don't know how I managed to do it but I lived 3 months without ANY income and was still able to pay my rent and to get some food and to pay my bills - all of it from my overdraft (to let you know because of my part-time job I was able to pay back a little more so I wasn't in such a bad situation, regarding my debts, anymore). Well after avoiding to talk to the job-center for three months I was absolutely broke. All I had left I spent on my two guinea pigs and starved myself for like two weeks just because I just simply couldn't take the phone and asked what went wrong and why they wouldn't pay me. It took me two weeks starving and millions of anxiety attacks while just looking at the phone to finally being able to call them. Just ONE paper was missing so they didn't start the payments. I explained what happened on my side and the lady (the only good job-center person EVER in Hamburg) told me she'd backdate everything to the date I handed in the papers and to transfer me the money from the past three months. That was a massive relief but it could have gone really bad if that Lady wouldn't have done that for me (by law she didn't NEED to do that so that was a real nice, kind thing to do).
I was extremely lucky! With that money I was able to get rid of my debts completely pay the rent I owed and still had like 200€-300€ on my account and I promised to myself that this would never happen again to me!
And the last major thing that could have gotten really really badly wrong has to do with my getting my stuff back from England...
Because I couldn't find a solution for that problem, I just avoided talking to Clive completely. I avoided it till it was nearly too late. A friend from England sent me the message that Clive couldn't get in touch with me and that he would throw out all my stuff and that he's not happy with me. So I panicked and I called him and he gave 2 months to get my stuff out otherwise he'd throw it away. I would NEVER blame him. We was always supportive and I was the one using his space and then being too scared to call him to tell him what was going on...
So why do I write all this?
Simple: DO NOT AVOID TO TAKE CARE OF THINGS NO MATTER HOW STRESSFUL THEY MIGHT BE, BECAUSE THEY'LL JUST GET WORSE!!!!
I learned my lesson though. I stopped paying everything with my debit-card and used cash instead. My parents helped me to organize my finances by me giving them 4 envelopes per month with my weekly allowance, and the rest went to pay off my debts... I still had a long long way to go and I never thought I'd ever get rid of my debts.
And that brings us to my second major avoidance mistake which could have ended up in an even worse mess!
I moved to Hamburg, got a new bank-account with a different Credit-Union and started new. I still had my debts at my old credit-union but I avoided thinking about it... After a few months they sent letters to my parents house that I am overdue paying my installments. Well I HAD to react eventually. I called them and we arranged that I would go to my new credit-union and talk to them. I did so and we transfered my debts to my new account, closed my old bank-account and made a new contract paying my debts off.
That worked somehow. By the time I moved to Hamburg I already paid 900€ back so my debts were around 1000€ so we arranged an overdraft of 1100€.
After I lost my job I had to deal even more with anxiety and as the job-center, responsible for me, in Hamburg was a bunch of horrible characters I was extremely anxious to deal with them in any way. I sent off the papers they needed to get my job-seeker-allowance and waited for the money. It wouldn't come. I don't know how I managed to do it but I lived 3 months without ANY income and was still able to pay my rent and to get some food and to pay my bills - all of it from my overdraft (to let you know because of my part-time job I was able to pay back a little more so I wasn't in such a bad situation, regarding my debts, anymore). Well after avoiding to talk to the job-center for three months I was absolutely broke. All I had left I spent on my two guinea pigs and starved myself for like two weeks just because I just simply couldn't take the phone and asked what went wrong and why they wouldn't pay me. It took me two weeks starving and millions of anxiety attacks while just looking at the phone to finally being able to call them. Just ONE paper was missing so they didn't start the payments. I explained what happened on my side and the lady (the only good job-center person EVER in Hamburg) told me she'd backdate everything to the date I handed in the papers and to transfer me the money from the past three months. That was a massive relief but it could have gone really bad if that Lady wouldn't have done that for me (by law she didn't NEED to do that so that was a real nice, kind thing to do).
I was extremely lucky! With that money I was able to get rid of my debts completely pay the rent I owed and still had like 200€-300€ on my account and I promised to myself that this would never happen again to me!
And the last major thing that could have gotten really really badly wrong has to do with my getting my stuff back from England...
Because I couldn't find a solution for that problem, I just avoided talking to Clive completely. I avoided it till it was nearly too late. A friend from England sent me the message that Clive couldn't get in touch with me and that he would throw out all my stuff and that he's not happy with me. So I panicked and I called him and he gave 2 months to get my stuff out otherwise he'd throw it away. I would NEVER blame him. We was always supportive and I was the one using his space and then being too scared to call him to tell him what was going on...
So why do I write all this?
Simple: DO NOT AVOID TO TAKE CARE OF THINGS NO MATTER HOW STRESSFUL THEY MIGHT BE, BECAUSE THEY'LL JUST GET WORSE!!!!
I learned it the hard way and was soooo damn lucky that it all turned out well. Without helping hands and nice, good people around me I'd have lost everything!
Problems won't disappear or solve themselves when you avoid taking care of them or just pretend they are not there... They are still there and grow!
I share my experiences to explain and to show how NOT to do it! I made a lot of mistakes in my life but I always tried hard to learn from them! The avoiding thing is a hard one to really learn if you suffer from anxiety but it is possible!
I have to repeat: I WAS SOOO EXTREMELY LUCKY!!!! Otherwise I probably wouldn't write this right now because I'd be either living under a bridge or being 6feet under...
It's not worth it to make your life even harder by just avoiding problems instead of facing them and solving them or at least trying to solve them and to ask for help if you can't handle it yourself! It's a strength to be able to admit that you need help!
Problems won't disappear or solve themselves when you avoid taking care of them or just pretend they are not there... They are still there and grow!
I share my experiences to explain and to show how NOT to do it! I made a lot of mistakes in my life but I always tried hard to learn from them! The avoiding thing is a hard one to really learn if you suffer from anxiety but it is possible!
I have to repeat: I WAS SOOO EXTREMELY LUCKY!!!! Otherwise I probably wouldn't write this right now because I'd be either living under a bridge or being 6feet under...
It's not worth it to make your life even harder by just avoiding problems instead of facing them and solving them or at least trying to solve them and to ask for help if you can't handle it yourself! It's a strength to be able to admit that you need help!
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